i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
