it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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