And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
