but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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