for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
