First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize