so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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