Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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