I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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