He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
