it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize