i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
