I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
