Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hippo gnu deer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
