all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
