Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
