READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
