I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
