What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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