I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
