she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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