oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
