Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
