I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
