My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
