she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
