strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
