I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I touched a dick in church today
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
