my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
