ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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