Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
