walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
