Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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