Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
