so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
