Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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