tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
