I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
