I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
