He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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