Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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