i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
