She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize