my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
