They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He shit in the fireplace
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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