so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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