Small penises have feelings too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
