Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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