i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
