i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
