do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
