She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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