How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize