If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
