Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
