Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
