My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
