I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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