Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
