the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
