I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize