I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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