Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I believe in your delicious
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
