Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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