I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
