He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
