Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
