Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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