We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
