Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
