were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
