would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
