The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
