the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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