I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize