apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
