in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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