you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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