How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
