Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
