i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
