I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
