did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
