my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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