she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
