kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
