I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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