I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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