remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize