so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
