i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
