i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
