wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I did not marry a roomba.
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