So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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