bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to calm my uterus...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
