apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
