we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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