I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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