**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
operation harelip BJ is a go
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
