I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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