But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
