O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
