no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
