i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
