He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
