I faked an abortion last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
