Can i not drive my cunt home
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
