69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
