so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
